Decision Making

I've been in Florida for a few days now, just got back in on Tuesday morning and am happy to have some time off to evaluate things as they stand. Every day in life presents a new set of decisions to make. So, which path leads us to a better place? One of instinct, or of meditated thought?

In a reaction of instinct, it boils down to a flight or fight response. Which is better? To fight or to fly? If you lump it into two dense black and white categories like that, you can start to see who around you are the fighters and fliers in general decision making. And gradually, you begin to think of which is more appealing to you. The fliers enjoy a lack of repercussion, as in evading the problem, consequences cease to exist. There is, perhaps, nothing lost. But then again, there is no immediate knowledge of what you are missing out on gaining. Maybe only in retrospect. The fighters are constantly struggling to challenge, to gain, to fight for something. Because fighting is nothing without a prize... But to which degree is it appropriate? I suppose it is when the fighting outweighs the outcome of a situation, which can be difficult to judge. That's where the grey area comes in, which makes things much stickier. It's very easy to lump things into to general categories, but in a matter of decision making, it's not always that simple. Matters of circumstance, consequence, and strategy effect the outcome of any fight or flight. Maybe it is that simple. There are certain situations to avoid, but extended sequences of evasion lead to a path of jaded apathy. Once again, the answer lies in balance, and becomes part of the initial strategy.

Which brings me to think that meditated thought might be the way to go. But let's be honest, who has the time? In a crazy environment like New York City, you are faced with a million decisions a day. Frappucino, Latte, or Coffee? Which coincides more with my budget? Should I take skim, cream, or soy? Skim is lower in fat, but higher in sugar. And the cream tastes better, but the soy is healthier. But it costs fifty cents extra. Should I go out for a drink after work? Do I want to go to that audition tomorrow? Should I buy another pack of cigarettes or Nicotine patches and just quit altogether? Coke or Diet? Gin or Rum? Subway or cab? Appease the customer, or appease the boss? I'm not saying that all of these things have to be mutually exclusive, but it's too fucking difficult to really completely weigh in to the practicality of all of your decision making when you're moving at such a high speed. But there's something terribly mechanical about all of that. After a certain amount of coffee runs, extra shifts, days at the park, visits to the museum, it somewhat becomes a blur of mechanism. You take a minute to look at a Monet, and instead of examining the artistic value, a million ticker feeds are running through your brain about what the next day is you can do your laundry, drop it off or wash it, where you're having lunch, when to get on the subway in order to make it to work on time, when your next day off is, if you have time to fit in a workout, and then your phone vibrates with a text message, and another decision. I'm not saying that any of this is bad, but it does become extremely tiring after a certain point.

I think it's important to create for yourself a set of values to follow on a daily basis, which constructs itself into a routine of values that filters how these decisions are instinctively wired. If you're concerned about your health, find where you stand on these things. Don't smoke cigarettes, and if you do, find a way of quitting and figuring out a way to deal with future temptations, as they WILL arise. Don't make it a question for yourself, regardless of the pressure or the circumstance. You don't smoke. And hey, that's it. Easy. You eat healthy, then purchase foods that are healthier for you. If you're on a budget, find ways to incorporate healthier foods into what you already have. Buy fruits from the fruit stand, buy lower fat milk or soy substitutes. It's not that complicated.

Yeah, it sounds stupid and completely obvious. But for someone who has overanalyzed my whole life, finding the simplicity in every day decision making in place of a bigger picture has been a large revelation to me. I've given myself plenty of distractions, ideologies, and poorly founded precedents. To me, it's not a matter of "growing up", but accepting the responsibilities and repercussions associated with your everyday decision making. And that's why I think it's important to ask these questions. Because otherwise, we only end up going through the motions without really understanding why, which can easily turn into a repetitive cycle, or worse, a dead end. And at my age, that is the LAST thing I need. Because there is still a lot in this world that I wish to accomplish.

I don't know if I'm ready yet to make some necessary changes if I want to break the cycle I've fallen into, or if I'll ever really be "ready" for anything. I guess it's just as easy as, you have to go out and do it if you really believe in it. But hopefully, with the way things have been developing, I will end up once again creating a forward momentum towards my immediate, long-term, and ultimate life goals. After all, the clock is ticking, decisions are flying by a mile a minute, and you only get one life to live.