I have to start being honest with myself and stop making excuses. There is a lot of discomfort that comes with that. It means not skirting around anything, and truly getting to the point of things. I say this, because I feel I am compromising with myself, specifically with school. I don't know if I am truly happy in the musical theatre program here. I love the theatre department, and every class I have through the theatre department makes me happy, but I consistently find myself complaining about the musical theatre department, along with the oblivious people in it. I just don't know how much more of it I can take.
On one hand, the musical theatre program forces me to take daily dance classes, which I wouldn't take otherwise, and Nadine has definitely helped me with my ballet technique and has strengthened my body immensely by making me do things I would NEVER do on my own. Her ballet classes are fucking hard, and I love them. Tap I enjoy, although I'm sad that we don't have Ken anymore because I really liked him as a teacher. Jazz is a mess and a half: Ed's class has absolutely no progression and I've already missed two classes (we've had three). I hate going to it, and I feel like I gain close to nothing, with the exception of keeping my body activated and maybe getting better at turns (although I feel like this is more ballet than anything else). I can't stand it! Nor can I stand the lack of separation between professional and personal matters: everything professional becomes personal, and everything personal is elevated by professional devices. It's absolutely disgusting.
On the other hand, it makes me miserable, and I could be taking a few dance classes at BDC or Steps throughout the week instead of going to classes I could care less about, and it would probably be easy to find a voice teacher, while giving myself more time during the week to focus on my work and rehearsals. The MT program is cluttering my life with half decided and half effective teaching techniques and complete ego-maniacs.
Phew. That feels better. In fact, almost every catharsis pulls me further away from the MT program: I find myself most comfortable in a library reading about Laban Movement Analysis or writing plays on my laptop, or in a scene with an acting partner in acting class. I also can't stand that we're doing Thoroughly Modern Millie this year, which is so politically vacant that I could jump off a cliff. I hate musicals like Millie.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't be in musical theatre... At least, this kind of musical theatre. Yeah. I think I'm going to drop the minor at the end of the semester. We'll see.
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